Identify WHAT you feel guilty about (for example “I feel guilty I didn’t get to take my kids to the zoo today like I promised”). Did you spend 3 hours on Instagram instead of going? Then sure, feel guilty for a second then do better tomorrow. Did the water heater break and require someone (aka you) to be home for the 4-hour repair window? Then STOP, it was out of your control, feeling guilty will not help the situation resolve any faster.
Ok, it’s not as simple as breaking one promise to your kiddos, it’s deeper or more pervasive like “I feel guilty I don’t play with my kids as much as they’d like”. This can be understood better by asking yourself WHO is making you feel guilty. If it’s your kids, take some time to hear what they’re saying and evaluate if there are ways you can change/increase the behavior they’re asking for or if they’re being affected negatively if you DONT change it. If it’s social media/in laws/other mom friends, it’s often very helpful to repeat “I am the best mother for my children, what our days look like may not be the same as others but it’s working well for us” and attempt to set firmer boundaries with whomever has you feeling guilt/self-doubt.
If these ideas still don’t even scratch the surface of helping you reduce or fixate less on feeling mom guilt, some individual therapy, journaling, or additional childcare support could bring a lot of relief to you!
I will leave you with this, if you catch yourself saying “I should be doing ____”, try and replace it with “I can do ____” or “I don’t need to do___” because shoulding all over yourself is just one more mess you don’t have time for!!
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